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updated bofh excuses

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This commit is contained in:
Nikolas Weger 2023-12-21 14:21:46 +01:00
parent 4c2a47d783
commit 4047ef1a48
1 changed files with 12 additions and 18 deletions
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@ -194,7 +194,7 @@ Did you pay the new Support Fee?
We only support a 1200 bps connection. We only support a 1200 bps connection.
We only support a 28000 bps connection. We only support a 28000 bps connection.
Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors. Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors.
I'm sorry a PPC won't do, you need an Intel to connect with us. I'm sorry a pentium won't do, you need an SGI to connect with us.
Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor. Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.
the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity. the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.
The monitor needs another box of pixels. The monitor needs another box of pixels.
@ -222,9 +222,7 @@ The mainframe needs to rest. It's getting old, you know.
I'm not sure. Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book. I'm not sure. Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.
The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?). The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?).
Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1 Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1
It's those computer people in New York City. They keep stuffing things up. It's those computer people in X {city of world}. They keep stuffing things up.
It's those computer people in Houston. They keep stuffing things up.
It's those computer people in New Delhi. They keep stuffing things up.
A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN. A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN.
Fatal error right in front of screen Fatal error right in front of screen
That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade. That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade.
@ -245,18 +243,13 @@ Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...
The computer fleetly, mouse and all. The computer fleetly, mouse and all.
Your cat tried to eat the mouse. Your cat tried to eat the mouse.
The Borg tried to assimilate your system. Resistance is futile. The Borg tried to assimilate your system. Resistance is futile.
It must have been the lightning storm we had yesterday. It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterday) (last week) (last month)
It must have been the lightning storm we had last week.
It must have been the lightning storm we had last month.
Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none allowed....) Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none allowed....)
Too much radiation coming from the soil. Too much radiation coming from the soil.
Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week. Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week.
Program load too heavy for processor to lift. Program load too heavy for processor to lift.
Processes running slowly due to weak power supply Processes running slowly due to weak power supply
Our ISP is having switching problems. Our ISP is having {switching,routing,SMDS,frame relay} problems
Our ISP is having routing problems.
Our ISP is having power problems.
Our ISP is having connection problems.
We've run out of licenses We've run out of licenses
Interference from lunar radiation Interference from lunar radiation
Standing room only on the bus. Standing room only on the bus.
@ -326,7 +319,7 @@ Your EMAIL is now being delivered by the USPS.
Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet. Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet.
You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus. You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus.
Scheduled global CPU outage Scheduled global CPU outage
Your PPC has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn off your computer, you do not want to cool down the PPC Chip while he isn't working, do you?) Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn off your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Chip while he isn't working, do you?)
Your processor has processed too many instructions. Turn it off immediately, do not type any commands!! Your processor has processed too many instructions. Turn it off immediately, do not type any commands!!
Your packets were eaten by the terminator Your packets were eaten by the terminator
Your processor does not develop enough heat. Your processor does not develop enough heat.
@ -344,16 +337,13 @@ the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer solstice
the butane lighter causes the pincushioning the butane lighter causes the pincushioning
old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes
manager in the cable duct manager in the cable duct
We'll fix that in the next upgrade. We'll fix that in the next (upgrade, update, patch release, service pack).
We'll fix that in the next update.
We'll fix that in the next patch release.
We'll fix that in the next service pack.
HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here
HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Motorola cpu - insufficient processing power HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Intel cpu - insufficient processing power
The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ? The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ?
Network failure - call NBC Network failure - call NBC
Having to manually track the satellite. Having to manually track the satellite.
Your computer had suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped off. Your/our computer(s) had suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped up.
The rubber band broke The rubber band broke
We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose. We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose.
Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server. Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server.
@ -470,6 +460,10 @@ Power surges on the Underground.
Don't worry; it's been deprecated. The new one is worse. Don't worry; it's been deprecated. The new one is worse.
Excess condensation in cloud network Excess condensation in cloud network
It is a layer 8 problem It is a layer 8 problem
The math co-processor had an overflow error that leaked out and shorted the RAM
Leap second overloaded RHEL6 servers
DNS server drank too much and had a hiccup
Your machine had the fuses in backwards.
Foxconn factory caught fire Foxconn factory caught fire
insufficient data; cannot compute insufficient data; cannot compute
Please press all keys simultaneously to continue working. Please press all keys simultaneously to continue working.